Children are a bundle of joy, not future investments. Every child is blessed with an innate faculty – an inborn instinct to behave in a particular way. The behavior patterns displayed are both inborn as well as learnt. There are many external factors that carve out a child’s behavior and are great influencers in shaping a child’s personality.

What is parenting?That method of raising a child in terms of physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual developmentright from birth to adulthood, apart from the biological aspect, is called parenting. Parenting is an art. Parents are irrefutably the foremost social system in which a child is embedded. More than parents observe children, it is the children who observe parents more carefully, evaluate, know, and learn from them.

Understanding the whys of behaviors has always been an interesting topic for researchers and raises utmost concern.  It is a basic function of a child’s early learning and development. The first cry of an infant, the first baby steps, the first squeal or the first laugh are all behavioral milestones worth celebrating.  Behavioral Learning refers to that phase of learning that helps us understand how to behave in different situations and different relationships.

A child’s first interaction with the outer world is through parents, who are its first society. Children imbibe parents.Thus, it becomes imperative that parents set the right examples. Negative behavior patterns exhibited by parents can lead to damaging effects on achild’s development resulting in socially unacceptable behavior.They are the first and most important teachers in a child’s life. Theyteach how to love and appreciate. The baby learns talking by listening to parents. The parents indirectly teach their children how to react to various situations in life.

It needs to be understood, however, that a child is not a blank canvas on which parents can inscribe whatever they feel like. A child’s behavior is influenced by a zillion things – parents, siblings, peers, TV, neighbors, teachers, school – the list is endless. Every encounter in life influences the behavior but how one reacts to different scenarios forms the crux of the upbringing – this is the area where the role of parental influence cannot be undermined.

Different children respond differently to different stimuli, because their brain is conditioned to respond so. It is a learned behavior that repeats itself over and over. Environmental, contextual and individual factors have immense influence on a child’s social development and behavior, for example socio-economic background, culture, language, traditions, child rearing practices and lifestyle.

Parents have a great influence in framing the child’s temperament and personality. When children come into our life, understand the time has come for parents to learn and not teach.

Behaviorism and the Developing Child:

 Love your child: The mind thrives on love just as the body thrives on food. Gift your love to the children since their early infancy to help them grow with trust in themselves as well as in others.Be warm, caring and safe, and stimulate and encourage skill development. Catering to a child’s demands is not love. Do not kill the child in your child. Let him/her grow up leisurely.

 Gift them your time:Make them feel special – smaller ones respond more to facial expressions and body language. Try knowing them, understanding them. Show genuine importance and interests in their activities and lives. This leads to positive, meaningful, healthy and cherishing relationships.

Understand the child: It is the most essential need of the parent for guiding and nurturing the child. What needs to be understood is that every child has a unique personality.   Show excitement in the things that the child does.

Create a conducive environment:The quality of environment – physical and social, define the way a child feels, acts and responds and determines a child’s behavior. Ensure the home has a, supportive, inclusive, joyous and loving atmosphere.  A happy, carefree and studious atmosphere is essential for study.

Attune children to different environs:Consider places that they might encounter and that act as basic functionalities– school play area, restaurant, shopping center etc. This will teach the child how to behave in a particular place. Competence of a child is fostered in a facilitative environment that provides opportunities for growth, nurturing a sense of security and trust, and giving opportunities for social interactions.

Develop Self-esteem in kids: The role of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is the life breath that results in success. This can be gained by a positive parent-child relationship, not only for the kid, but respect for others too. 

Build positive relationships:Parents can mold a child’s behavior – positive reinforcement is the solution, which reaps dramatic improvements in behavior. Praise but never flatter, because praise involves righteous evaluation and approval and stimulates learning and development. It builds self-confidence and develops a positive personality. Whereas flattery in insincere, excessive and exaggerated, and results in making the child vain and proud.

Verbal: Pay attention to the child and shower praise for good behaviour. Be specific.  Do not use blanket phrases like “good job”. Non-verbal: Smile, wink, touch, hug, give a high-five, pat.Criticize a bad act, not the character of the child.  Also teach a child to say ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’. 

Communicate.Talk to them. Give them the freedom to voice their ideas. Let children take up ownership of their behavior. Make them a part of the decision making process. Encourage their curiosity and pride in their workmanship; this gifts them the satisfaction coming from achievement. Teach children how to love, respect and appreciate others. Inspire the child.

 Encourage them to study:Abstract thinking is not developed in children under 10 to 12 years of age.         Younger the child, more important it is to make the subject interesting by telling related stories and giving suitable examples. If the child fails, do not reprimand, rather sympathize. Analyze the reasons for the failure and try to take corrective measures. This teaches the child that failure is not the end of the road. 

Provide them with rewarding educational opportunities:Help them evolve and develop into intellectuals – become self-reliant, educated and focused. Intensify their quest for new knowledge and ensure they optimize their faculties and potentialities. 

Recognize their worth: Consider them as mature individuals and help them strengthen their sense of identity. Respect their right to be themselves and also help them understand the rights of others to learn co-existence. 

Develop initiative and imagination:Give them the opportunity to explore creativity independently.Based on their interests, and strengths, make them work in groups and give individual as well as group activities. Encourage children to cooperate with each other and work together on collaborative solutions School projects are an excellent example of such activities that teach children understanding a concept, exploring, brain-storming, taking onus, using their creativity and producing a masterpiece. 

Be role models:Illustrate by precept and example: Teach themintegrity, discipline and moral courage. Work towards elimination of prejudice and discrimination, e.g.: treating servants with kindness.Demonstrate respect, love, care, concern and attention for all. Teach manners and respect. However, parents who display emotional outbursts in response to minor frustrations become a model for similar behavior in children as they imitate very easily good as well as bad points of the parents. 

Make them independent:When children are not encouraged to develop and use their own judgment, they can become over reliant on adult direction. 

Teach stress management:How parents react to stress determines the child’s reaction too. If parents get irate, yell and shout during stressful times, children tend to do so. If parents handle stress positively, children learn it that way. 

Resolve conflicts: If parents argue constructively and reach common consensus amicably, kids learn how to resolve conflict. Abusive remarks, physical fights have a traumatic effect on a child’s psyche. Children often repeat this behavior in their future relationships. Encourage children to come up with their own solutions to conflict. Teach children skills for problem-solving and conflict resolution. 

Help them establish a family life: a family of their own and accept larger social responsibilities – build a society based on freedom, justice and mutual respect.

 Encourage them to seek truth:Develop faith in God and goodness. Impart the spirit of oneness and goodness, bringinga new hope for the future. 

Impart sex education: As they grow, children turn curious and tend to ask questions. Eg: How is a baby born?Do not show any obvious embarrassment – engage them in truthful and frank talk in a simple language, without going deep. 

Deal with Emotional deprivation: This is a problem faced by children of working parents. The child picks up mannerisms and language from the baby sitter. At times, grandparents spoil the child by over-protection. Parents also contribute to improper parenting by making up for their absence by bribing the kid. There is no substitute for parents. Working parents need to make time for children to develop their emotional needs, stability, discipline, education and social skills.

Upbringing and its effect: 

Dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional children. Most of us learn parenting and how to become parents from our experience with our own parents.Parents are the cradles of civilization for children, and their part in the development of a child is highly crucial.